An Intro: The Complex Battle

TW: Child and adult sexual, emotional, mental abuse; pedophilia; religious misconduct; religious topics; death

My years of silence about the following experiences to come were motivated by wanting to tell my story from a place of healing and logic instead of untamed emotions. After court battles, being lied to, and losing a church family, I remained silent, not being pushed to share before I was ready or out of the pressure to just "clear my name." While I know, many of those who enable and support the behavior of these leaders will be offended by the truth, I cannot care. This story is one of my resilience, and finding the courage to do what others could not; open my eyes. Over time, as I document my complex battle with religious relationships and my escape from fraud to seek out authentic spirituality, I hope someone can be inspired to change their ways or gain the courage to leave a toxic situation. Although I am not perfect, I am also not subjected to keep my mouth closed about my experience with religious misconduct and the effect it still has on others apart of organized religion. As whoever decides to join me on this vulnerable journey of reflection, I hope to convey that being imperfect does not mean accepting harmful behaviors from the hands of others. Just because you feel you owe your parents, partner, or whoever does not mean they are exempt from being held accountable. I hope the readers of my submissions gain precisely what they need or are inspired to change any harmful/toxic ways they may have.

There is no need to feel any shame because we're all imperfect.

This is a place to gain insight, heal, learn, and grow from the unavoidable discomforts of life.

THIS IS MY PULPIT

This family often used God as an excuse to justify their actions, and I accepted it and believed them for a long time. So imagine the pure terror I experienced when I learned that I'd be standing up to the "Man of God" and his family in a court of law. The thought of petitioning against them was scary and complex. I was so afraid and believed God would punish me at any minute for going against the “Chosen Family”, even though they were the offenders in this situation. After years of being brainwashed into believing that the preacher and his family were so superior, I felt the weight of having to be the one to hold them accountable, as they did to others so freely over the pulpit.

Just think of this blog as my pulpit…

AN INTRODUCTION TO MY DEPARTURE FROM FSM

As I shared in my previous letter, leaving the church was the hardest thing I've had to do. I remember the day I confirmed my long thought-out decision. For months, I contemplated leaving out of necessity. After the death of my mother, I fell hard. However, years later, I managed to break through the weight of grief just enough to see the truth of what was happening around me in the church and with my former "God family."

I felt terrible about my decision even though it was justifiable. The day I decided to revoke my membership, I still had no idea how much more would be revealed, confirming that I made the right decision to leave.

A PREDATOR ON THE LOOSE

As I explained my reason for needing to leave to this family, I revealed one of the biggest and most complicated reasons I could no longer attend this church...

Exiting my lifelong church made me realize that being held accountable was foreign to this family. After sending my letter, the family quickly responded, letting me know they would be holding on to my funds. However, they just so happened to avoid addressing the part of my letter where I finally revealed the truth about the predatory ways of one of their members. Along with proof of pictures and emails from this individual, I shared how the illegal sexual coercion and harassment begin taking place when I was only 14. It was hard to share and accept that I had held on to this for years, making it difficult to heal in a place that made me sick. Even though the sexual grooming started when I was underage, I still had the decency to take responsibility for my role in continuing to be involved with this individual after becoming of legal age.

My ex-trustee and his family made it clear that they did not care about the predatory ways of one of their own and the effect it had on me. To make matters worse, this individual treated sex like a hobby, and I learned over the years that I wasn't the only young lady in the church that fell into the trap. I had just told this family that they had a predator on the loose within their church and all they could think about was money. This predator spent years trying or successfully becoming sexually involved with vulnerable young ladies, including underage girls and women.

There has still been no apology from the 'first family" on this predator's behalf or from the predator himself, and I don't expect to receive one. I always questioned why one of the church's preachers seemed to always call out the names and sexual sins of members on behalf of "the holy spirit,"; but ironically, "the holy spirit" never revealed this specific predator to her.

Anyways, welcome to MY pulpit...